How do I answer someone who embellishes every story?
What’s the actual plan?
5 words that bring epics back down to their next phone call.
“I’ve already tried to get hold of the bloke ten times but he doesn’t answer. I’m hitting the road anyway.”
Chapter 28 — Shuffle Mode On
When it happens to you
He tells you all about sailing round the Mediterranean. The boat, the night crossing, the mate who’ll come and take turns at the helm.
And you listen, with that slightly unpleasant mismatch: it doesn’t quite add up, but you couldn’t say where. So you say nothing, or you ask one question too many, and the evening goes sour.
Why you can’t find the lie
Because there isn’t one.
He isn’t lying to you: he’s telling himself a story. The story is true at the moment he says it, and it’s true for him. That’s why you never find the flaw — you’re looking in the wrong place.
And that’s also why the question “is that true?” never works. It accuses him of a lie he hasn’t told, he sincerely defends himself, and you come across as the one who doubts everything.
Rule to remember
You don’t argue with a story. You ask for the next step.
How to do it, in one sentence
You listen to the end. Really. Then you ask, in the most ordinary tone in the world:
So what’s the actual plan?
That’s it. No “but”, no “are you sure”, no raised eyebrow.
What happens next
Either he answers with something specific, with a date and a name — and then, good news, it’s a project.
Or the sentence hangs in the air. Nobody has contradicted anything, nobody has lost face, and the size of the next step has become visible to everyone. Including him.
If the story takes off again
Fine. And what’s the first step?
Always the same energy: calm, curious, no irony. The tone is everything. Said with a smirk, the same sentence becomes a trap — and then it backfires on you.
⚠ It isn’t a test
You don’t ask it three times in one evening. Once is enough; repeated, it becomes an interrogation and you become the dream police.
And above all: lots of people dream out loud for the fun of it, with no intention of doing anything at all. That’s allowed. This guide is only for when the story concerns you — when it decides your summer, your budget or where you’re going to sleep.
What it changes for you
Getting out of constant doubt. You stop wondering whether he’s lying or you’re going mad: neither.
Deciding on something concrete. You no longer commit to a story, you commit to a next step — and if there isn’t one, there’s nothing for you to turn down.
And keeping the person. You haven’t contradicted, humiliated or made a scene. You’ve just asked a question anyone could have asked.
How to practise
Once a week, on something with nothing at stake — the colleague who’s going to chuck it all in, the friend who’s going to start a company. You ask the question, you listen, you don’t comment.
You’ll be surprised how often it produces a real project.
Remember
He isn’t lying to me. He’s telling himself a story. I just ask what comes next.
Common sticking points
And what if he takes it badly anyway?
Then it isn’t the question, it’s the tone. Try again another time, flatter, more casual, like asking the time. “So what’s the actual plan” said like a tax inspector will never fly.
Does it work in writing?
Even better. In writing, the question is neutral by default, and the answer — or the lack of one — stays.
He always answers with something specific, but nothing ever happens.
Then change tools: this one is for seeing the next step, not for holding someone to a commitment. For that, see guide 08, the written agreement.
Can I ask it of myself?
Yes, and that’s the best use of all. The question doesn’t discriminate: it just asks for the next step. On your own grand projects, it’s lethal.