How do you hold firm when the other person keeps insisting?
The third time, stop answering
Stop answering when someone asks you the same thing several times. You’re tired, you haven’t changed your mind.
The net closes in
31 December. A week of work without a single day off.
— “It’s New Year’s Day! Let’s bury the hatchet, I’m taking you out to dinner!”
— “No need, I’m sleepy.”
— “Come on! A change of scene and a party will do us good!”
— “No, I’m shattered, I really need to catch up on my sleep.”
— “Come on, it’s on me, we’ll unwind a bit.”
— “You think? Yeah, maybe you’re right.”
Extract from chapter 16 — The Chestnut-Stuffed Turkey
Trap
He wants to convince you. He repeats the same argument so that you give in. He knows your answer. He doesn’t care. He wants you to change. He keeps asking until you let go, never mind that you’ve no strength left. After a while you say yes. Not because he’s convinced you. Because you’re tired.
You said yes because you were tired. Can you go back on your decision?
A yes out of tiredness doesn’t commit you to anything. You can always change your mind.
How do you hold firm when he keeps insisting?
Count how many times you’ve said no. The third time, stop arguing.
— “You’ve asked me three times. I’m stopping there. My answer is no.”
If he insists again, don’t answer at all. Silence. Don’t negotiate.
What not to do
Don’t argue your answer so that he understands: it’s a lost cause, he doesn’t want to.
Don’t count to accuse, to prove he’s got it in for you, to build yourself a courtroom, to cast yourself as the victim.
On the contrary: choose to stop arguing, take responsibility, decide it’s no. End of story.
Plan ahead for your tired moments
In the morning, write your limit in your phone. In the evening, don’t go looking for your answer. Read it.
Why do you give in in the evening, when you hold firm in the morning?
Your energy drops during the day. Saying no costs you energy. It’s not a question of character, it’s a question of battery. At ten at night, you don’t have the same energy as at eight in the morning. You just have less strength to say no.
How do you tell him you’re stopping, politely?
— “I’ve already said no, I’m moving on.”
Remember
After 3 noes, stop arguing, stop explaining.
Say “I’ve already said no”, and move on.
Practical guide 03 — The third time, stop answering
“My pen is my NO.”
The novel The Hammock and the Hummingbirds, by Karine Baridon.
Guide 02 — Decide without giving in to pressure
Watch the hummingbirds